The Contractor and Cat Food

Small, and never goes bad.

Settle in for one of the oddest tales you will probably hear for a long time.

One of our closest friends at our church owns a company that provides security for a number of medium to large businesses. One of their clients is the largest mall in West Vancouver.

Today, he was at the mall, meeting with the electrical contractor that needs to do some work for him. This is a fairly substantial contract, so everyone is probably fairly sober and serious as they conduct the meeting.

They break for lunch and head for the food court. My friend asks the contractor if he wants a sub. He says, he brought some food, but he wouldn't mind a bag of chips. So, my friend goes to get his lunch. There are about 5 people at the table - the contractor and the actual electricians.

My friend glances down and notices the contractor has opened a tin can of something. And then he sees it. The words "Fancy Feast" are on the can.

My friend slowly sits down, his heart beating and mind racing. After about 10 minutes he can't take it anymore and says, "Uh, I notice you're eating the same kind of cat food that my cat eats." To which the contractor replies, "Yeah, its pretty good. It's really handy, because its small and never goes bad."

And that ended the conversation, but not the myriad of questions and concerns running through my friend's head, (and now my head and probably yours as well).

There is a variety of salmon he might have been eating.

Grilled Salmon in Gravy - salmon basted in gravy
Savory Salmon Feast - a smooth pate made with tasty salmon
Sliced Salmon and Chicken Feast in Gravy
Marinated Morsels Salmon Feast - Tender morsels marinated in gravy and slow cooked
Flaked Salmon and Ocean White Fish Feast

What is happening? Does anything in my life really matter after this slice of the twilight zone? As I digested this story, everything else sort of faded to grey as I contemplated it. I couldn't really hear anything else and my vision began to blur. I slowly lost the senses of touch and smell. I may have levitated for a moment. I had vertigo.
I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. Instead, expect to find me on the ground next to the bed in the fetal position, quietly sobbing.

This professional man, in a business setting was eating salmon cat food out of the can. He was eating food that came with feeding instructions and made no attempt to hide the reality that he was eating animal food. This has GOT to go in David Sedaris' next book.

I am stumped and speechless.