Insomnia and Infomercials

can't sleep.

These are the infomercials that are on at 2:30 AM on Friday morning:

-chirchat telephone chat service - "Wow, carol is such a breath of fresh air. I'm so glad I took a chance and called chitchat. Thanks to chitchat the future looks good."

-a 900 phone # with a girl in lingere wearing a cowboy hat - "these girls are waiting for a man like you. discover your deepest and wildest fantasies."
- a man like me - a 30something evangelical who can't sleep

-teeter hang ups - this is a contraption that hangs you upside down and fixes your back - "I am 69 yrs. of age but feel 30 because of the new flexibility I feel!"

-time life country music cd collection featuring willie nelson, waylon jennings, kenny rogers, dolly parton and conway twitty
-"I want to call my daughter." (lyric from some song)

-investools - how to make money selling stuff on ebay

-free and clear real estate system - "This is absolutely amazing! someone actually bought this home for $312! That's less then a washing machine my wife just bought!"

-proactiv solution - acne solution - this ad features vanessa williams interviewing diddy (sean combs, p diddy, puff daddy) - "2 weeks later my skin started to clear up".

-restform air mattress - this ad features people lying on the mattress in a mall - it is shot at a very unflattering angle - "this has a special support system that contours to the shape of your body. it doesn't matter if there's one or two people on the bed."
-they have a professional male and female wrestler thowing each other on to the bed inside a wrestling ring

-walk fit orthotic inserts - "5 million users! you will also get a bottle of soothing peppermint lotion which will soothe you! we have a no questions asked refund but you get to keep the lotion for free! have your credit card and shoe size ready when you call! unlike other orthotics it won't cost you hundreds of dollars!"

-power 90 weight loss product - shows a fat chick becoming thin - "I used to be fat but thanks to power 90, now I'm not. life is so good now. your spirit will reach new heights."

-smart technique weight loss program -"hi my name is mary and i'm a smarttech weight loss specialist. when you call i am one of the people who picks up the phone. i used to be fat and now i'm not - i won't let you fail!"

-super stars of country cd collection - "every single song is my favourite." - this is the same one as before - timelife

-ionic white teeth whitening system - "in 21 minutes you will have whiter teeth!" - this guy in a suit actually places this thing in his mouth and tries to keep talking - "the best part is it doesn't hurt my sensitive teeth!"

-bowflex power rod system - "you will see the difference when you try bowflex - it is the real deal."

-bowflex again

-total gym - "your own body provides the resistance! set the incline."

-walkfit orthotics again - "over 90% got pain relief using walkfit. it does what cusions and arch supports can't."