My friend on the plane
Walking Together.
Ten years ago I was flying back to Vancouver from Saskatoon. I started chatting with my seat mate. I was reading a book on spirituality by M. Scott Peck, so we also started to discuss spirituality.
I asked him if he had a religious background. He said "Yes, I was raised fundamentalist." I was quite taken aback by his response. As we kept talking we discovered that we had attended the same evangelical churches at different times in Saskatoon. He said in college, he abandoned his faith and the church and has never looked back..... until now. He said in the past few months he had felt like he was missing out on something due to the lack of any kind of faith in his life.
As the plane began to land, we exchanged contact information and promised to be in touch. A week later I went for coffee with him in the westend part of downtown Vancouver. He was an artist, so he invited me to first meet him in his home studio to see some of his work. His art was very good.
We headed to a local Starbucks and kept talking. I explained to him my own faith journey and where I was at in terms of my beliefs in Christ and the church. He shared a bit more of his story, and the abruptly blurted out, "But.... I'm gay!"
I said "Ok. But your sexuality is only a part of who you are. I don't think it defines you completely, does it." He said, "No." At this point he related his journey towards the acceptance of his homosexuality. He was currently single and feeling lonely.
It was time to wrap up, and we promised to meet again, and he even expressed interest in attending a worship service sometime. As we were leaving, he stopped me and asked me, : "Why are you so open to keep talking to me? Most Christians I know would have ended our conversation when I brought up my sexuality, but you have just sat here and listened to my story."
I responded that Jesus never had any criteria for who he would meet with, so why should I have pre-requisites for the people I will have coffee with. He was quiet as we left the shop together.
What my encounter with my friend taught me is that people on both sides of this dialogue are not really engaging other human beings. Instead we are engaging with media caricatures of each other. Evangelicals think the gay rights lobby are a bunch of rabid promiscuous people who want to recruit our kids. The gay rights lobby thinks all evangelicals are a bunch of narrow minded bigots who want to sweep them back into the closet.
But, it is not until we actually engage one another IN PERSON, will true dialogue and understanding be possible. My hope by my post today is that people on both sides will seek out a friend on the other side of the debate. And have no prior "conversion" agenda - simply enter into a relationship with the hope of understanding one another's perspective.
Who know? Maybe you will make a friend among a group of people you had written off a long time ago as the "enemy."
(Note - I lost touch with my buddy after a few months of meeting together. But I trust he is staying true to his own spiritual journey, and moving closer to discovering his place as the beloved of God.)
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