The Empty Lives of Tony Soprano, Walter White and Don Draper

Good-bye.

James Gandolfini

1961-2013

James Gandolfini died recently. The heavy set actor will forever be married in our minds to the character of Tony Soprano, the New Jersey crime boss who struggled with panic attacks while trying to manage his place in his mafia family, along with his own family.

The Sopranos marked a shift in American television. Episodes were very carefully written. Characters took entire seasons to fully flesh out. Hints of greatness that had been previously seen on shows like Hill Street Blues and NYPD Blue had now come to full fruition.

It marked the beginning of many similar series: Deadwood, Dexter, Breaking Bad, the Shield, The Wire, Mad Men. These all became very well produced, directed and written tv shows. This new wave brought with it a new level of darkness in subject matter, previously reserved for R rated films.

And it also high-lighted a male character I call "The Flawed Man".

Tony Soprano made his living by breaking the law. He was unfaithful to his wife and was raising children who resented him.
Walter White from Breaking Bad becomes a drug king-pin resorting to murder and terror to keep hold of his position.
Don Draper of Mad Men is a philandering functioning alcoholic whose entire identity is a farce.
Jimmy McNulty of The Wire is a police officer who gets drunk, has one night stands and doctors evidence to make his case.

These are our examples of what a man is?
I hope not.

All these men have taken their brokeness and exaggerated them in order to meet some deep inner need.

People can live like this in fictional worlds created by gifted writers and directors. But, reality tempers out any romance or glamour of living a selfish life, centered around our own needs or desires.

I watched the Season 6 finale of Mad Men tonight. It was interesting because it seemed to show what the real life consequences are for someone who tries to live like our actions have no consequences. (I won't ruin it for you - let's just say it's sobering in more ways than one).

What television cannot show, however is the deep inner oceans of shame and guilt that steadily rise as we continue to build lives based on selfishness and greed. The reason they can't show it is because it is an inner emotion that can only be hinted at in art. If you have lived a season of your life where you marginalized the needs of others out, then you know what I mean.

Don't be like the flawed men of award winning television.
Be a wholly integrated human being and live out a life of service and love to others.