Thoughts on Divorce

First off - I want to be clear - I am in no way judging, condemning, looking down on or thinking less of anyone who has gone through a divorce. Your marital status does not change how I think of you.

I said - I hate divorce - NOT divorced people. I have a special place of empathy and respect for those who have walked through that difficult valley - something I am unsure of how I would manage myself.

What I hate is the pain divorce puts people through. (There might be ultimate liberation and freedom - but I've never met anyone who has had a joyful divorce). The painful comments left on my post show the lingering pain that wants sticks to us even if we are years down the road from our divorce.

I quoted part of Malachi 2:16 which reads, "I hate divorce" The New International Version has a different interpretation:

“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.
So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful"

This seems to mean that God is judging the man who rejects and neglects his wife and family - that is what God hates - someone who would inflict pain on another. Also, this is written in a patriarchal culture where an unmarried woman or orphaned child was really helpless - hence the continued refrain to care for the widow and the orphan.

The running model and theme throughout the Bible are for the continuation of marriage until literally "death do us part". I think most of us no matter our faith (or no faith) background would agree this should be the model we aspire to. We do not make our vows with an expiration date in mind.

But.... the reality is we live in a broken world and marriage is the merging of two broken individuals. And sometimes their brokenness overwhelms the desire to stay united. And that is sad - but sometimes necessary for the betterment of both individuals and the children. In the film - you see the pains that both parties go through to ensure the well being of their child.

I have no patience or tolerance for anyone who treats divorced people as 2nd class citizens - but sadly this is the experience of many who walk through most church doors - this is evidenced by some of the comments on my previous post.

For that kind of treatment, all I can offer is an apology and request for forgiveness. (Remember those who condemn you are broken too).

The comment "the two become less than" I need to think more about - what I was trying to convey is that there is a loss that is experienced in divorce or any kind of relational breakdown.

To my divorced sisters and brothers, I write these words not to heap guilt or shame on you. It's obvious, others have done enough of that in your lives.

I wrote the previous post simply as an expression of how viscerally the movie hit me with - it felt like a punch in the gut. I processed my feelings through words - my writing was self-centered emotional processing. And when we are emotional we do not us the most sensitive language - please forgive me for that.

I might not be divorced but I have walked other paths of pain and suffering. So, as one wounded person to another - will you accept my hand and continue the journey with me? I need sojourners and guides like you who can teach me things I have not experienced.