The Hug "Heard" Around the World

I am a pastor. I traffic in a world of repentance and forgiveness. Both actions being central to my faith. This past week the world was treated to one of the most stunning acts of forgiveness ever caught on film.

First, the background. On September 6, 2018, off duty police officer Amber Guyger entered what she thought was her own apartment in Dallas Texas. It was actually the apartment one floor above her own. Upon entering she saw someone sitting on what she thought was her couch. Alarmed, Guyger drew her weapon and asked to see the stranger’s hands. (This part is questionable as no neighbor recalls hearing any commands yelled out before the shots.)

Botham Jean was in his own apartment eating ice-cream on his couch. He must have been startled by a strange woman with weapon drawn shouting commands at him. He did not respond fast enough and Guyger shot two rounds aimed at Jean’s torso. Her expertise in weaponry proved tragic as she aimed directly at the central mass of her target almost guaranteeing a kill.

The optics and racial overtones seemed to come straight out of the mind of a talented novelist. But they were not. This was real. A white police officer shoots and kills an unarmed black man eating ice cream in his own apartment.

Lurid details started to emerge which cast aspersions on Guyger’s morality. She had been having an affair with a married officer and had been sexting pornographic images of herself on the very day of the tragedy. Racist texts and comments were also found on some of her electronic devices.

Guyger was charged with murder and was found guilty this week. She was sentenced to 10 years of prison time. As is the norm, family members were able to give victim impact statements where they attempt to express how the murder of their loved one has affected them. Jean’s mother spoke and then his younger brother Brandt Jean spoke. His testimony riveted viewers around the world. His statement in full:

“If you truly are sorry, I know I can speak for myself, I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask him, he will forgive you. And I don’t think anyone can say it — again I’m speaking for myself and not on behalf of my family — but I love you just like anyone else. And I’m not going to say I hope you rot and die, just like my brother did, but I personally want the best for you. And I wasn’t going to ever say this in front of my family or anyone, but I don’t even want you to go to jail. I want the best for you, because I know that’s exactly what Botham would want you to do.

And the best would be: give your life to Christ. I’m not going to say anything else. I think giving your life to Christ would be the best thing that Botham would want you to do.

Again, I love you as a person. And I don’t wish anything bad on you. I don’t know if this is possible, but can I give her a hug, please? Please?”

You could hear hearts beating as the courtroom waited to see if permission would be granted for Jean to hug the woman who killed his brother. Permission was granted and Jean hugged Guyger for what seemed an eternity. Guyger sobbed on his shoulders. Jean whispered words that were for Guyger only.

I watched a couple of replays of Jean’s testimony and it was amusing to hear newscasters struggle with trying to make commentary of the stunning act of forgiveness and grace that Jean showed. One veteran courtroom reporter said she had seen nothing like it in her 30-year career of reporting on all kinds of cases

Now, this story should be stunning enough. But the real story was in the reactions that were to follow. Some civil rights activists praised the act of forgiveness but could not contain their fury at how THIS action by a black person was going viral. While other actions that spotlight injustice and continued racism go ignored by most Americans. Their anger is understandable. You want their forgiveness but ignore the narrative backdrop against which the forgiveness is offered.

As I wrote last week, racism is endemic in the United States. It is deeply embedded in her oldest institutions. Blacks have had to raise their voices generation after generation because if they do not, nothing will change.

I believe Jean has shown us the way forward. Forgiveness of senseless evil. But forgiveness is a tricky thing. To forgive, an apology is required. Felicia and I watched an amazing series on Netflix called “Unbelievable” about a woman who is raped but is not believed by the authorities and is herself charged with making a false statement. Without giving too much away, her case is resolved. In one of the final scenes she confronts the officer who charged her and says to him, “after all this, no one has apologized to me.” The officer humbly says he is so sorry for what happened. And with that, she says, “don't let it happen again” and leaves.

For forgiveness to be complete there must be an apology. We can forgive those who have hurt us even if they refuse to apologize, but it will be incomplete forgiveness as reconciliation is impossible.

Now – when we mention this issue of whites apologizing to blacks for the past hellish sin of slavery, Jim Crow and the current injustices concerning sentencing and incarceration we enter tricky territory. We need to define what we mean by apologizing. A white person alive in 2019 has not and will never own an African slave. White Americans living right now are generations removed from slavery. Why would they apologize for something they had no part of? How is that even possible?

Let me explain it like this. If I hit you, I can apologize for hitting you. If someone else hits you and I find about it, I can tell you, “I am sorry that happened to you.” Do you note the difference? The second apology is more a statement of empathy and solidarity. I am not responsible for the hit, therefore, I am not apologizing for myself. I am simply expressing sympathy to you as your friend.

It is this second apology that historically white organizations and institutions can extend to African Americans. We are sorry. We are grieved that this monstrous injustice happened to your ancestors. It is a statement of solidarity. It is saying we humble ourselves and choose to enter your pain and lament with you.

Moving forward we need to learn how to forgive and how to express empathy. And how to lament for the sordid history of this nation. Jean has shown us the way. For Jean (and for me) this kind of forgiveness is impossible outside of the animating power of the primary forgiveness of God. This is why he pleads with Guyger to give her life to Christ. Jean wants the best for her. The best for her, the best for me and the best for you is Christ’s offer of forgiveness for the darkness that dwells in all our hearts.