The Love After Love
Last week I taught an Adult Education Class called "The Limits of Romantic Love". The class focused on a quote by C.S. Lewis that I had used in a previous sermon on marriage. In a section in Mere Christianity, Lewis gives his views on Christian marriage. He makes an insightful observation on the difference between romance and the deeper love that grows later in a marriage.
Due to the short attention span of our current culture, once romance or emotion has dissipated from a marriage, we tend to grow bored and seek "fulfillment" elsewhere. But this is not wise. By moving on from partner to partner we miss out on the deeper love, Lewis eludes to. The hook-up culture of millennial does not build love. It might provide temporary glandular excitement. But, in the process it numbs our emotions, making this deeper love impossible.
This deep love is not as exciting as romance, but is is far more fulfilling. Deep love only grows and flourishes in the hard soil of adversity, tedium and patience. It is the love that grows through the challenge of raising children,
the attempt to balance a household budget
career disappointments
health setbacks
relational frustrations.
It grows and grows until one day you are peering into a casket and find yourself explaining to someone 60 years younger than you what real love is. The young person will ask you the secret of your long marriage. And you will reply that
"Love, true love grows up and out of romance. It grows into a strong bond. We loved each other, even on the days when we weren't in love with one another. That bond, that love is on display not just over candle lit dinners. No, it is on display when you are old and sick and your lover cleans the mess off your face without complaining. That is the deep love. It is the love after love."
Due to the short attention span of our current culture, once romance or emotion has dissipated from a marriage, we tend to grow bored and seek "fulfillment" elsewhere. But this is not wise. By moving on from partner to partner we miss out on the deeper love, Lewis eludes to. The hook-up culture of millennial does not build love. It might provide temporary glandular excitement. But, in the process it numbs our emotions, making this deeper love impossible.
This deep love is not as exciting as romance, but is is far more fulfilling. Deep love only grows and flourishes in the hard soil of adversity, tedium and patience. It is the love that grows through the challenge of raising children,
the attempt to balance a household budget
career disappointments
health setbacks
relational frustrations.
It grows and grows until one day you are peering into a casket and find yourself explaining to someone 60 years younger than you what real love is. The young person will ask you the secret of your long marriage. And you will reply that
"Love, true love grows up and out of romance. It grows into a strong bond. We loved each other, even on the days when we weren't in love with one another. That bond, that love is on display not just over candle lit dinners. No, it is on display when you are old and sick and your lover cleans the mess off your face without complaining. That is the deep love. It is the love after love."
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